Never fuck with someone who cries when they’re mad. They’ll stab you 48 times and cry in your stab wounds.
one sentence horror story: “seems like we’re the last two people on earth, m’lady”
u know yr fucked when someone is so fine u can’t even look at them directly u gotta glance at them out of the corner of your eye like yr lookin at the sun
a person complaining about puns basically invites every pun enthusiast in the vicinity to come snapping rhythmically from the shadows
WHEN EVERYTHING IS DUE IN THE SAME WEEK
I have never seen something that more accurately describes how I’m feeling right now
- tumblr staff: hey guys we've just added this new feature to the site, isn't it great?
- xkit guy: here's the extension to get rid of this one
Imagine being the kid that got benched so your coach could put Airbud the fucking dog in the game
today this white girl asked me why my hair is so curly and i said im black and she told me to say african american